I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
one might say we're banned from that church
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
