Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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