I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
