I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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