I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
