I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
