Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
