dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
