I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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