My nipple is on Facebook.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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