he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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