Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
