As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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