I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
