well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
