I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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