If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
