so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
