Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
