I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
