DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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