party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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