He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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