why didn't you poke me back
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
