I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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