i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize