i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
