"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
