I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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