I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
