i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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