That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
