Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize