Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
false alarm. still invincible.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
