I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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