he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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