a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
