You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
