His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
