I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize