Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
