I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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