you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
