I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
