Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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