You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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