His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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