Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
