but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize