So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
