Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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