oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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