her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
