What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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