Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
