Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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