can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
