You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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