I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
