And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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