but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
