Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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