Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this boner is exhausting
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
