My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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