Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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