Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
how does that bad decision feel?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
