I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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