Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
